TECH WRITING - FIX RUN-ONS: SKATING WITH TIPPER

SKATING WITH TIPPER

Directions:  

1.  Revise this “essay” so that it no longer has run-ons or fragments, and fix any other errors you find. 

2.  Subdivide it so that it has correct paragraphing.  

          When to start a new paragraph:

          1.When you start in on a new topic          2.When you skip to a new time          3.When you skip to a new place          4.When a new person begins to speak          5.When it helps the reader focus and read more efficiently.

          Have you ever been humilated and wondered how things got so out of control?  Well, that’s what happened to me recently when a kid considerably younger than I am got the best of me it was the low point of my life.  Last week I decided to go ice skating on a pond behind our house it’s only about a half of a block away so the first thing I did was sort through a messy basement closet to find my skates.  What a joke, what a mess!  That little chore took me twenty minnutes because my mother hid my skates under a pile of old rummage sale stuff that never sold and they were inside a box that was labeled “Christmas” so it seemed like Mom deliberately was playing Hide-and-Seek with me.  When Mom puts my stuff away.  She does it with a vengeance.  (Actually, there’s more to that story, she had told me to put the skates away about ten times and I ignored her.  Then she told me, “You’ll be sorry!”  Rule 1: Never underestimate your mother!)  After I found my skates, hockey stick, and puck, I put on lots of warm clothes and headed towards the pond.  My little nephew Tipper followed me there, I don’t know how he new what I was up to, he lives two houses down from us and I think my mother once again was behind his miraculous appearance.  How is it possible for a kid to just show up with his skates unless someone tipped him off?  Anyway, we both sat down on a log near the pond and put our skates on.  He had brought a hockey stick too, so I figured we could shoot around awhile.  Once we got onto the ice, I noticed it was pretty rough I mean it was very, very bumpy.  Some snow had frozen into it, but I wasn’t about to let that stop me.  Tipper and I started sailing around the pond we tried to avoid the occasional weeds that stuck up through the ice.  This little twerp wasn’t too bad of a skater in fact I hate to admit it, but he was better than I was at dodging weeds of course I could still whack the puck alot harder than he could.  I’m seventeen,Tipper is only ten but I shouldn’t have let that fool me.  The first thing that started to bug the heck out of me was that Tipper started stealing the puck away from me.  Not funny at all.  The first time he did it he giggled hilariously while I could feel my blood pressure rising and my face getting red it wasnt from the cold air either.  I told him to knock it off, he just smiled and grinned, then he said, “Well, why are you so slow?”  Did I mention that this kid is a smart aleck?  The second time he stole the puck from me.  I yanked his blond hair as hard as I could and he went flying across the ice.  I expected him to cry or wine at me and maybe even GO HOME immediately but no, he just giggled some more and started skating around me like I was a dying fish in a shark tank and that really made me mad, mad enough to lose my cool.  I told him, “Why don’t you go to the other end of the pond, and I’ll skate towards you with the puck, and you see if you can take it away again.”  My plan was to skate really fast and slam him with my hockey stick the moment he tried to lunge for my puck, maybe that wasn’t the brightest idea in the world but I wanted vengeance. Because he seemed to be enjoying himself at my expense.  Tipper took the challenge, he skated to the other end of the pond and we stood in face-off positions.  The moment I took off and headed towards him.  He did the same.  We were both skating as fast as we could go towards each other.  Then the moment of my humilation came, Tipper reached out to steal my puck.  And I stretched out my stick to whack the heck out of him.  Unfortunately, there was a small, innocent-looking pond weed sticking up through the ice that was apparently on my nephew’s side. And I didn’t notice that little evil weed. Until it was too late.  My skate blade twisted and I was the one who went hurling across the ice with my face scraping the snow like a plow on a side road.  I looked up in defeat.  As my darling nephew Tipper zipped past me with MY puck gliding along under his control.  He yelled, “Hey, Pokey, you want me to teach you how to skate?”   I didn’t say a word, there was too much snow in my mouth. My leg ached, and my face stung. And it wasn’t just from embarassment. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Is this kid really that good, or did Mom set me up on this one?”  Like I said. Never underestimate your mother.  And never underestimate little kids either.

A- Contract work:  Write a good sentence that is 30 or more words long, but make sure it is NOT a run-on.

Example: Wishing he'd brought his umbrella and dreaming of his nice warm bed, John waited for the city bus for twenty minutes in the rain last Tuesday because his Ford Escort was in the repair shop.

TECH WRITING: FIXING FRAGMENTS #2

FIX FRAGMENTS #2

HOW DO YOU FIX FRAGMENTS? 
1.
2.                          

PART ONE:  Fix the fragments in this passage.        

            Although women's college basketball in Connecticut is a marvelously entertaining and popular sport. It not hard to remember. When it was not so popular. It’s is hard to believe. Only a few years ago, my friends and I to went to a women's basketball game. And we could get seats for free near center court. Especially on Sunday afternoons.
     Of course, that before names such as Rebeccca Lobo, Jenn Rizzotti, and Kara Wolters became household words. Lobo's book, HOME-COURT ADVANTAGE, which she wrote with her mother. A best-seller in Connecticut. If more than a couple of hundred fans showed up for a game. It was considered a big turnout. And games were played in practically silent gyms. Because the fans didn't care who won. Nowadays, it almost impossible to buy tickets to a women's game, and you can't get seats. Unless you know someone.      
       Indeed, who would have predicted ten years ago? That women's basketball so wildly popular? Well, people who have watched the growth of women's basketball in southern states. The enormous campus arenas at the state universities in Tennessee, North Carolina, and Georgia filled to capacity for home games.
      The coach for Tennessee's Lady Vols, Pat Summitt. She has achieved nearly godlike stature in that state. A tall, striking figure on- and off-court. Summitt commands respect. Wherever she goes. My youngest sister, Ruth Ann, who lives in Tennessee. She says you can't near Pat Summitt after a game. "You'd think she a rock star," she says. Although Geno Auriemma, Coach of the UConn women's team. Not yet enjoying that kind of support. He rapidly becoming a widely recognized figure. Because he appears frequently on TV news and sports shows.

Part Two:Fix the fragments

             The boat ride to the island took about 2 hours. Our boat held a lot of tourists.  About thirty people.  As we were cruising.  We could see dolphins in the water.  They started playing with us. Coming very close to the boat. Jumping, flipping, and splashing. We raced with the dolphins. Which was exciting. Even though we lost.  We reached the island’s shore at sunset. Just in time for the luau. We saw a show at the Polynesian Cultural Center.  Dancing and singing in traditional Polynesian costumes. We tasted many local dishes.  I loved all of the foods. Especially the poi. Which is ground up taro root. When it was time to get back on the boat.  I wanted to stay.  Because my first trip to Hawaii was so fun. (12 errors)

INTRODUCTIONS: Mini-Speech

Interviews and Introductions

            Work with a partner and interview him or her on the following topics.  You will be introducing that person in a short speech.  You may use your notes when you introduce him/her.  If you just want to introduce yourself, that’s fine, too.

1.  Full name including middle name?

2.  Where do you live?  Have you lived anywhere else?  If so, where?

3.  What is your favorite subject in school?  Least favorite?

4.  What do you do for recreation?  (Hobbies?  Pastimes?)

5.  What would you like to do for a future career?

6.  What kind of music do you like?  Do you have a favorite band?  What is it?

7.  If you were stuck on a desert island for a year, which one famous person would you like to be there with you?

8.  What is your favorite food?

9.  Tell your opinion on one or more of the following . . .

           

             

             President Barak Obama -

            The Vikings football team –

            The Twins baseball team-

           

10.  If you could live in any place in the world, where would you live?  Why?

11.  What is one fact about you that almost nobody knows?

DAY 1: TECH WRITING (Fix Fragments #1)

FIX FRAGMENTS #1     Name: _____________

Part one:  Fix the fragments by combining the sentences or adding words to them.

1.  While I was sleeping. My dog began to bark.
2.  The winter of 2011 is shaping up to be one of the worst on record for several states, 

3.  Sunny Rockland has already had several snow days and more storms are on the way.
4.  I stopped at the grocery store to pick up chips and salsa. Before the Super Bowl began.
5.  I enjoy skiing it is my favorite winter sport.
6.  I prefer reading mysteries over romances. Especially mysteries with a paranormal element.

   Part Two:  Put these sentences into paragraph form, and get rid of fragments. Get rid of the numbers.

1.  Children receive conflicting messages from a variety of sources.
2.  Which cannot be silenced: teachers, books, friends, and television programs.
We have, from time to time, experimented in this country with limited access to potentially damaging or offensive materials.
3.  Such as books and movies.
4.  But these experiments have not withstood legal challenges.
5.  The courts have decided that Americans have the right to choose what they see or hear and that writers and others have the right to create what they wish.
6.  Although,  certain extreme circumstances, like child pornography, are so offensive and damaging to the children being filmed that as a society we have said that such products are repugnant.
7.  Which is the argument that Charren is making about advertisements directed at children.
8.  But as a society having agreed to limit speech only in the most extreme cases.
9.  There is nothing in the making of advertisements that is as purposefully vulgar or harmful as there is in child pornography.
10.  If anything, advertising more closely resembling the language of our everyday speech.

Part Three:  Combine these sentences to eliminate fragments and make them complete sentences. 

          While only eight microbreweries existed in the United States a decade ago. Today seventy microbreweries are brewing more than 65,000 barrels of specialty beers a year. Microbreweries are winning awards for the tastiness of their products. Which has caused the large producers to alter their production and advertising techniques. Because microbrewery beer is often free of additives. It must be sold locally. Local production, distribution, and advertising has become a key to microbrewery success. Which depends on creating the perception among buyers of a freshness and healthfulness not available in mass-market beers. Even though image is important. Quality of the product is what has convinced an increasing number of American beer drinkers to buy from local, smaller breweries.

LITERARY ELEMENTS #16 TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD

Literary Elements #16  Ch 26-28  To Kill a Mockingbird     Name_______

1.       Find a simile on page 243 that refers to the how events of the past summer still lingered in the minds of Scout and Jem and the whole town.

2.  What literary element is this? 
“There was one odd thing, though that I never understood: in spite of Atticus’s shortcomings (in the eyes of Maycomb)…people were content to re-elect him to the state legislature that year, as usual, without opposition.”

3.  On page 244-245 Miss Gates discusses, with her class, the atrocities Hitler is committing against the Jews in Europe.  What question does Cecil Jacobs ask the teacher, and what does this question reveal about the racism in Maycomb?

4.  Chapter 29 builds SUSPENSE.  The root word of suspense is “suspend,” meaning the reader is left hanging—wondering about what will happen next.  On pages 248-249, three things happen to people who supported Tom Robinson, and their effect is to build suspense. What are they?

a.

b.

c.

5. On page 250 find a simile that refers to how Judge John Taylor looked at Bob Ewell during the trial. 

6. Find a simile on page 252 that refers to who stole Miss Tutti and Frutti Barber’s furniture on the previous Halloween night.

      

       What really happened to the furniture?

7.  Can you guess 3 literary elements in this passage?  “ Aunt Alexandra said …she’d been decorating the stage all afternoon and was worn out—she stopped short in the middle of her sentence.  She closed her mouth, then opened it to say something, but no words came.
“ ‘s matter, Aunty?” I asked.
“Oh nothing, nothing,” she said, “somebody just walked over my grave.”  She put away from her whatever it was that gave her a pinprick of apprehension.”
  a.

   b.

   c.

8.  On page 254, what literary element is this:  “After that, it didn’t matter whether they went or not.  Jem said he would take me.  Thus began our longest journey together.” 

9 .  On page 255, what happens to the Jem and Scout on the way to the Halloween pageant?  This event is important because it serves as a sharp contrast to what happens later on during their return trip home.  It builds suspense.

10.  On page 258, what does the colloquialism in this sentence mean?  “…and taking no lip from the subordinates…”

11. On page 259, something happens that causes Scout to want to leave her ham costume on so she can “…hide her mortification under it.”  What does mortification mean here?

12. On page 260, Jem repeatedly asks Scout to be quiet, and they stop and start again and again on their walk home.  Why can Jem hear things Scout can’t hear?  

What effect does the writer intend here? 

13.  On page 262,  what literary element is this?  “Metal ripped on metal and I fell to the ground and rolled as far as I could, floundering to escape my wire prison.”  

Why was it important that Scout had missed her cue and come in late during the pageant?

14.  On page 262, Scout describes what happened when she and Jem were attacked.  Find a simile that refers to the strength of the man who was trying to squeeze the breath out her.

15.  How do the last few paragraphs on page 266 add to the mystery of what happened to Scout and Jem on their way home from the pageant?

MEGA MALL ESSAY REVISION

MEGA MALL ESSAY REVISION

Directions:  There are 36 errors in this essay: fragments, run-ons, spelling errors, grammar, capitalization, and punctuation mistakes, word choice problems (repeating the same word too often), manuscript errors (not double spaced, indenting, etc.)   FIX THE ERRORS AND MAKE IMPROVEMENTS IN WORD CHOICE.  Get rid of bad wording.

Before you email your essay to the teacher, ASK TO USE THE KEY TO MAKE SURE YOU FOUND ALL ERRORS.

THE MEGA Mall
In this essay I will tell you about my weekend trip.  Last weekend I went to the Mall of Americca in Bloomington, it was really a great experience.  I ain’t gonna be able to tell you everything about it cuz it was so big.  Shop till you drop at that place!  And you can have a great time on the rides, to.
          The Mega Mall has a lot to offer.  It has 3 shopping levels that forma a big square.  Inside the square their is Snoopyland, a big amusement park with rides.  Four large department stores are on the four corners of the mall.  A big movie theater offers all of the new releases, ther sure is a lot to do.
          At Snoopyland in the center of the mall, you can pretend you’re outside at an amusement park.  You can rideon a roller coaster that goes upside down.  Or on a log flume ride that takes you over a water fall.  There are real trees and plants growing all around you so that that place is like a park  Speciel shows can be seen on a small stage as well.  I seen lots of other rides for small children, too.
          Another intresting place in the mall is Lego Land.  Giant, big legos are everywhere.  There are lego statues of dinosaurs, animals, machines, and people to see.  It’s a very colorful place to see.
          In conclusion, the Mall of america is really a great place to visit.  It offers some thing for everyone.  Have a good time when you goe, remember to bring plenty of money and comfortable shoes.  Youll need both

Review commas for the test right here:  http://www.savethecomma.com/game/

A TIME I LEARNED SOMETHING OUTLINE & ESSAY

“A Time I Learned Something” Essay

1.  Write an essay on “A Time I Learned Something.”  Tell about a specific event or time in your life where you learned an important life lesson, and then explain how it changed you.

2.  Maybe one of these thesis statements (or something similar) would work for you:

• When I was fifteen, I learned an important lesson about _________.  (gossip, safety, etc.)
• When I broke my leg, I learned what a true friend really is.
• Last summer, I learned an important lesson about not judging people unfairly.
• This past Christmas, I learned that being selfish doesn’t make you happy.
• Never lie to your parents—believe me!  I found out the hard way.
• At work one day I learned that the way I treat people makes a difference in the way they treat me.
• When my brother got hurt, I realized that life is just too short to argue.
• Because of my VB coach, I learned that  if I work hard, I can do almost anything.
• When I started school this fall, learned a tough lesson about what it means to not take myself so seriously.
• Last summer I learned that if I am lazy, I will regret it.
• When my grandfather died, I learned how important it is not take anyone for granted.
• Did you know that the most important things in life can’t be bought with money?

2.  Make an outline for your essay. (7 pts.)  You might want your three body paragraphs to be about these topics:  

            I.  INTRODUCTION

            II.   Before  (What was I  like before it happened?)

            III.  During (Tell the story of what happened.)

            IV.  After  (How did this experience change me?)

            V.  CONCLUSION

3.  Your essay should be double spaced, font size 12, Arial or New Times Roman.

4.  Your essay will be evaluated using the Six Traits of Writing Rubric below:

SIX TRAITS OF WRITING RUBRIC

1. Ideas (Your creative thoughts about the topic.) – 6 pts.
2. Organization (Make sure you have and introduction, body, & conclusion.) – 6 pts.
3. Voice (Let your personality show in your writing.  Let the reader feel your emotions and convictions.) – 6 pts.
4. Word Choice (Be very specific.  Say it in your own, unique way.  Use a thesaurus.) – 6 pts.
5. Sentence Fluency (Vary your sentence beginnings.  Some sentences should be long and some short for emphasis.  They should flow together.) – 6 pts.
6. Conventions and Presentation (Use correct spelling, punctuation, grammar, etc.)– 10 pts.

                        TOTAL = 40 pts.

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                                          A TIME I LEARNED SOMETHING

Thesis:  I learned a valuable lesson about life when ________________.

I.  INTRODUCTION

II.   Before  (What was I  like before it happened?)

     A. Supporting idea

     B. Supporting idea

     C. Supporting idea

     D. Supporting idea

     E. Closing sentence

III.   During (Tell the story of what happened.)

     A. Supporting idea

     B. Supporting idea

     C. Supporting idea

     D. Supporting idea

     E. Closing sentence

IV.     After  (How did this experience change me?)

     A. Supporting idea

     B. Supporting idea

     C. Supporting idea

     D. Supporting idea

     E. Closing sentence

V.  CONCLUSION